Finally not doing anything for a bit, so I am in bed, and watching TV. It feels good but i need about another week of this lol. I cut my hours back at Mcds, and upped them at Cutters. I'm more happy with this ratio, and Mcds is down to one day a week. Its definatly picking up at the salon, so its worth my time, and im not stressed out anymore. Im not a fan of the politics at mcds and people not listening. Its not that Im bossy, I just get pissed off when I come in and nothing is done. I should not have to tell T how to do his job. I thought it was common sense, but apparently Im wrong.
Pretty busy week ahead of me, lots of people booked in.. Trip to regina on tues and a wedding on saturday.. Im super happy for Katherine and Justin. I can't wait to see her dress and everything else.
It should be a good summer, no clue whats in store, but im looking forward to it :)

I feel like I have been running around crazy for the past while. Looking forward to getting out this weekend, and letting off some steam. I'm looking forward to going to Winnipeg as well. I get the weekend off and my mom is running in the half marathon there. Friday I am going shopping and meeting up with someone I haven't seen in forever, I just hope all goes well.. I still get butterflies and I miss them so much. Been doing a lot of thinking and stuff in the last couple weeks.. I need to just be patient and see what happens. I am down to $13,106 left in debt to pay off and only 2,800 left to go to my mom before I can move out. I am counting the days for that let me tell you! I love my mom and I am very grateful for all of her help, but I need to get outta here. Where to is the question at hand. Can I give up everything here? Ive done so well, but can I guarantee that things will be better elsewhere? If things get fucked up when I'm gone.. will I be able to fix them?
Like I said there's a lot of thinking to be done. Whose to say that I'll even be welcome back there? Maybe too much as happened.

Are you the one?

Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars...

You say that you’re never gonna leave me
Well two times that ya tell me that ya need me
Well this line is mine, just think about it
You don’t know
You don’t know
You don’t know

Don’t say you’ll never find somebody like me
Well keep quiet baby, I don’t wanna to hear you speak
The words you say, they don’t mean a thing
You don’t know
You don’t know
You don’t know

Hush now baby don’t say a word
You better give it up or you’re gonna get hurt
Hush now baby don’t say a word
You better give it up or you’re gonna get hurt

You think I don’t know
That you don’t mean it,
That you don’t mean it.
And you don’t think it shows
That I still need it,
That I still need it.
You think I won’t go
If you don’t feel it,
If you don’t feel it.
We fall in, fall out, follow
Hush, hush, hush don’t say a word

Hey you say I’m only hearing what I want to
But you don’t wanna hear a word if how I need you
And I know we both don’t hear a thing
You don’t know
You don’t know
You don’t know

So don’t say I need to learn to listen to you better
You’ll pull it away from me for ever
I just can’t get my head around it
You don’t know
You don’t know
You don’t know

Hush now baby don’t say a word (Hush now baby don’t say a word)
You better give it up or you’re gonna get hurt (You better give it up or you’re gonna get hurt)
Hush now baby don’t say a word (Hush now baby don’t say a word)
You better give it up or you’re gonna get hurt (You better give it up or you’re gonna get hurt)

You think I don’t know
That you don’t mean it,
That you don’t mean it.
And you don’t think it shows
That I still need it,
That I still need it.
And you think that I won’t go
If you don’t feel it,
If you don’t feel it.
We fall in, fall out, follow
Hush, hush, hush don’t say a word (say a word, say a word, say a word, say a word, say a word)

I know we can’t make life make you again
Well I know you wanna back track and start again
I think you know I’m worth fighting for
I think we should hush, don’t say a word

I know we can’t make life make you again
I know you wanna back track and start again
But I know you think that I’m worth fighting for
I think we should hush, don’t say a word

Hush now baby don’t say a word
You better give it up or you’re gonna get hurt
Hush now baby don’t say a word
You better give it up or you’re gonna get hurt

You think I don’t know
That you don’t mean it,
That you don’t mean it
And you don’t think it shows
That I still need it,
That I still need it
You think that I won’t go
If you don’t feel it,
If you don’t feel it
We fall in, fall out, follow
Hush, hush, hush don’t say a word

Change my mind
I thought we were fine
This is goodbye
Just one more try

And change my mind
I thought we were fine
This is goodbye
One more try
Hush, hush don’t say a word

I just can't escape
it's like you're here with me now
but the words you say
they always seem to fade out
since you been away
I'm just a face in the crowd
someday, someday
I know you're coming back

down in the dirt
with your blood on my hands
I blacked out
but now I do understand
that you were too good
for this world so you left it
everything turned red
and then you made an exit
I don't even know
if it was your time
but like all good things
that pass you by
its like a lost soul
in the time of need
it made me grow up fast
and put some blood on my knees
and you don't even know
what's beyond you
thinking you could never die
like you're bullet proof
so I guess you had to leave
you were born with wings
but you were never happy
til the angels sing

I just can't escape
it's like you're here with me now
but the words you say
they always seem to fade out
since you been away
I'm just a face in the crowd
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down

I'm ashes to ashes
I'm dust to dust
And when a man
turns to ashes
forget about love
like the feeling inside you
with the bottle beside you
you both end up empty
like an angel just died too
I look to the heavens
to the sky and the rest
I looked inside myself
I felt my heart in my chest
Something so point blue

there's nothing to say
some hearts to stay true
when falling away
Come lay down beside me
what you and I mean
it's only what I've seen
it's only just one dream
tell my baby I love her
and I wish I could hold her
it's hard to say goodbye
when you know that it's over

I just can't escape
it's like you're here with me now
but the words you say
they always seem to fade out
since you been away
I'm just a face in the crowd
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down
one day, one day
I know you're coming back down

I know you're coming back
know you're coming back
I know you're coming back down

I know you're coming back
know you're coming back
I know you're coming back down (down)

I know you're coming back
know you're coming back
I know you're coming back down

I know you're coming back
know you're coming back
I know you're coming back down

I know you're coming back down

I just can't escape
it's like you're here with me now
but the words you say
they always seem to fade out
since you been away
I'm just a face in the crowd
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down
someday, someday
I know you're coming back down
one day, one day
I know you're coming back down

Its better this way. This is good in a bad way.. I'll make this perfect again.

Sometimes I get sad when I think about the things I wont have, and the people I miss the most. I hope its all for the better, Sometimes just too much has happened in the past to continue on the path you were on.

I haven't posted anything in a really long time. After shit hit the fan in Winnipeg, I just didn't feel like anything was important to say, and if it was I couldn't find the words. Nothing was going to fix what happened and it wasn't going to make it better.
Its been a roller-coaster and a half for the last 15ish months. I'm pretty much half way out of debt, and that means Ive paid off $15,000. It also means I have another $15,000 to go. That's pretty much the only thing I really know for sure.
I keep making plans to do things, but it seems these things are always changing. I feel like I'm doing awesome for a bit, and then I lose all motivation to continue at the same pace. I'm still working two jobs. Mcds and Cutters.. I still live at my moms. I want to get my own place in the summer, just to know I can do it on my own, but again I don't know when for sure that will happen.
I'm probably going to post pone my new york trip another year, because I need to get to a better place financially.
If it wasn't for Lynette I'd probably be dead out here, she is my sanity and also my best friend. She knows how I feel a lot of the time. I don't have to explain things to her.
There is so much more I could say on here..
This is not where I thought i would be at this stage in my life.